Our Little Adventures

So...Matt and I have really been struggling with a problem lately. The problem is the neighborhood kids.

In our neighborhood we have several families with children. About 1/2 of the children never come outside to play (this is the truth!! I only know they exist because their parents drive them the 1/2 block to the bus stop....seriously). The other 1/2 of the kids play outside. More accurately, they play outside without adult supervision for hours on end and run wild in the neighborhood. One of the families has two parents that work full time and so they leave their 15 yr old daughter in charge of her 5 siblings. This usually works out to be that those kids play outside from the end of school until 9 or 10 pm at night, and they are wild. We have essentially barred them from playing inside our house because of the chaos they bring and the fact that they cause fights, take things, or sneak food. There is a little girl in the neighborhood Charlotte's age and she is generally nice. Her parents are very protective and she's only allowed to play outside if one of them is outside. She and Charlotte play at each others' houses, but at her house, the TV is always on.

The other family in the neighborhood has 4 boys. Their parents, while good intentioned, have allowed them to be wild as well. They scream, fight, hurt each other, get angry, disregard other people's property, deliberately disobey the rules, etc. Of the four boys, Matt and I only like one of them (#3) because he's actually nice and easy to handle. Charlotte and he are besties and frequently go back and forth between houses. It's cute and they will play together for hours without a problem. However, I really don't like Charlotte (or Em or Nan) going to the boys' house because the TV is always on. Today Charlotte came home from the house and said they were watching a show and someone on the show said, "You're full of shi*". So now Charlotte can't go over there anymore.

So here's our dilemma. Is it reasonable to ban our girls from playing with any of the neighborhood kids except for the one little girl? Our block is not the exception to these behaviors; the majority of the kids in our neighborhood play unsupervised all afternoon long. I don't mind the girls being unsupervised for a while because I think it's important for children to have that time. But I don't like them to be unsupervised when the other kids who are playing with them are exhibiting such poor behavior and influencing my girls. I also don't like that the other kids are so wild and crazy. We have seen these behaviors have a bad effect on the girls, making them more aggressive and defiant in general. The other kids have taught our girls how to kick and punch and fight, which is unacceptable in our house. If we catch the kids doing it, we send them home.

Is it reasonable to ban our girls from playing with the neighborhood kids? How do you enforce that in a neighborhood without fences? How do you enforce that when you are literally the ONLY parents who seem to be concerned about what their children are doing for the hours after school? How do you deal with other kids who are wild and parents who are either not present, or don't care? What restrictions do you put on your kids while retaining your sanity?

Matt and I are currently disagreeing about this. He says we shouldn't allow the girls to play with anyone except the little boy and little girl Charlotte's age, and even then, the kids have to play at our house. He said that when we want to play outside, we should just not allow any kids on our property. I think that is unrealistic, because even if they're not allowed on our grass, they're allowed to play in the street or on the sidewalk because it's city property. And what happens when all the neighborhood kids are playing together and my girls are watching from the driveway? Also, it has reached a point where all the neighborhood kids play at our house because I won't let my girls go to their houses. A few Saturdays ago, there were 10 extra kids at my house, not including my four. Some were from our neighborhood, others weren't. I didn't even know some of the kids' names or where they lived but their parents DON'T CARE where their kids are. I eventually kicked all the kids out because they were making huge messes.

I also think it's unrealistic to have to drive to a park every time we want to play outside in order to avoid the neighborhood kids. It's not like we live in the ghetto-- we live in a nice, big suburban neighborhood. The homes run about $140k and we are close to the school. Is this principle of not monitoring your children or not caring what they're doing a Southern thing? I never encountered this in Ohio.

I'm all about letting my girls have freedom and time where they are just playing without me sitting there. Children will never learn to be independent if we don't let them. Also, there is a certain amount of problem solving, cooperation, helping and exploring that can only be learned without an adult's help. However, as a parent it is my responsibility to make sure they're learning good manners, respect, appropriate behaviors and knowing where they are. Unfortunately for us, we seem to be the only ones who think that's what parents do.

What do we do?

I love that my girls don't wake up super early on Christmas morning yet. I think we go out of bed around 7:30 and we had to wait around for the kids until 8:00! It was great.Here, Noni and Lydia are fighting over who is king of the tower. Lydia usually won, but then again, she has 3 big sisters.